When we received the diagnosis two weeks ago that her cancer was terminal and that there was pretty much nothing they could do for her we decided that we would make the most of the time we had left with her and not dwell on her illness too much. Of course the reality of the situation was different – as is always the case and we were so hyper alert to any signs of deteriation and any distress she may be suffering that it has been a stressful few weeks.
Watching her go down hill was painful and we had many discussions with each other as to how we would know when the time was right to let her go.
We both were hoping that she would make the decision herself but our feisty little madam had no intention of letting us off the hook that easily and continued to fight everyday despite what must have been incredible pain for her.
But come last Thursday we knew the time we had left was limited. She had eaten very little over that week and come Thursday evening she stopped eating her beloved cream cheese which also contained her painkiller. When the following morning she refused it again and sat under the bed it was clear we had to do the right thing for her and not prolong her pain any more.
I held her in my arms as we drove to the vets and they were quick and kind with her and to us who by that stage were two blubbering wrecks.
So, our dear sweet little Tinker is now at peace and we are struggling to adjust to life without her. She has been such a constant part of our lives for the last 17 and a half years that the hole she has left is big, deep and very raw. Oscar and Molly are getting lots of extra cuddles and love as they too adjust to the change in dynamic. Once they were a group of four cats and now they are just two.
That she had the best life and gave us the most love a little cat can is a comfort but damn it still hurts like hell……..