Trailer Trash

Today’s post is a guest contribution from one of my favourite bloggers Jack Scott.

Jack lives in Turkey with his husband Liam and writes a hilariously funny blog about his life entitled ‘Perking The Pansies’ (see on my favourite blog list to the right). Many times I have spat my morning tea out all over the keyboard whilst reading his riotous musings…..he’s always guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Jack has just written a book about his life in Turkey and I was lucky enough to be asked to review it for his ‘virtual tour’. I will be telling all tomorrow but for now here is a little taste of Jack’s writing as he gets to grips with this whole caravan malarky…..

Enjoy…….

‘When I planned my virtual tour, I knew the book would have to take centre stage. There would be little point if it didn’t. But I didn’t want to just bang on about it and do the hard sell. People would get bored and simply switch channels. I know I would. I had to find a theme, something to maintain interest. I also wanted to say something related to the people that have kindly let me loose on their blogs. A theme gradually emerged: me. My favourite subject.

Today’s post is on Helen’s European Journey. Elegant Helen is wander-lusting gypsy-like across Europe (well, so far across Iberia – give ‘em time) in a travelling caravan with hunky husband and three pretty pussies in tow. So, folks, I give you… me and caravans. Not the dusty camel trains of antiquity hauling exotic goods along the ancient Silk Road from China to Anatolia, but the common or garden static metal type of my childhood. It’s a tenuous link, but stay with me.

When I was knee-high to a grasshopper, a wet week in a tiny tin caravan propped up in a stranger’s back garden was our holiday of choice. We were a large family and it was a crowded house. It mattered little; my memories of those distant days are full of fun and frolics. As I grew older, the family added a few more coppers to the coffers and ambitions of owning our very own caravan became a reality. Dad bought a monster of a thing – a top of the range fancy caravan, decked out in fetching Seventies floral orange with mains water and electricity, two bedrooms, a fully functioning flush toilet, shower room and a spacious open plan living area with kitchenette.

Our upmarket caravan was permanently parked in a back garden on Hayling Island. For the un-initiated, Hayling is a small, flat island sandwiched between Langstone and Chichester Harbours on the south coast of England. It’s a place littered with post-war bungalows and people close to death. Age Concern has a swot team on permanent standby. Despite the elderly population, it’s also where I first had sex in 1976, but that’s another story. We holidayed in our flashy van for many years. When the rest of us moved up to fancy foreign holidays, my sister took ownership and the caravan was given a new lease of life with her own young family. Sadly, all good things come to an end. Eventually, the caravan had its day and was abandoned for all time. It’s still there, I hear, with a collapsed roof and shitting pigeons roosting in the kitchenette. I look back on all our family holidays with great fondness. We were trailer trash and loved it.

My time in Turkey has been emotional, life-changing and hugely educational. I often find myself thinking about those early caravan days, about my father and his dream holiday machine. It’s not surprising, therefore, that he features in my book, Perking the Pansies – Jack and Liam move to Turkey. I sure he would have liked it, and I hope you will too. The book is available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com. If you buy it via my website I’ll make a few extra pennies. No pressure. ‘

To finish off, I give you the Caravan Song by Barbara Dickson. A classic trailer.

Tune in tomorrow to hear all about Jack’s book…….